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June 2006 Archives

June 1, 2006

Reasons Why #19: Seatbelt Extensions

Airplane seatbelts are a tricky thing. They're often not big enough for me, at which point, I have to ask for a seatbelt extension. During the busy boarding period, this isn't a request that flight attendants are ever thrilled with or gracious about.

Most airplanes these days, I'm not having a problem with the seatbelts, but with older planes, it's still an issue. It's an issue I'd never like to have again.

June 2, 2006

Reasons Why #20: Mirror, Mirror, On the Wall

There's a fully mirrored closet in the bathroom of the Villa here in Maui. (Feegs, do as I say, not as I do when it comes to stringing together prepositional phrases.)

It is located immediately across from the toilet.

While watching myself go to the bathroom is always something I find at least moderately disturbing, the site of my monstrous thighs in that mirror was utterly revolting.

June 3, 2006

Reasons Why #21: Snorkeling

We're going snorkeling in Napili this morning before the wedding. Floating through the water, face down in my oh so attractive swimsuit, I tend to imagine I look like an albino manatee to anyone nearby.

I'd just like to look at the fishes, instead of look like the fishes.

June 8, 2006

Reasons Why #22: Skirts without Shorts

Whenever I wear a skirt or dress, I wear shorts underneath it to keep my thighs from rubbing together and causing me intense discomfort. I would like to be thin so that my thighs aren't programmed to self-destruct if they get too near each other.

June 9, 2006

Reasons Why #23: Because food is not the answer

Yesterday, I was stressed out. My luggage hadn't arrived, yet I had a courier notice, which turned out to be not for my luggage but for something else entirely when I shlepped to Purolator to pick it up. So on my way home, I stopped and picked up a wickedly large dinner from a restaurant I've been meaning to try as a way of making myself feel better.

Food is not an adequate response to stress. I'd like to really absorb that, but thus far in my life it doesn't seem to have happened. I suppose I can consider it a minor victory that I didn't also get dairy queen to go with dinner.

June 10, 2006

Reasons Why #24: Because 109 days was a few too many

Fat stores hormones. As you gain and lose weight it messes with your hormone levels.

A couple of years ago, right before I went on the big diet, my hormones were so entirely whacked that I had a period that lasted 109 days.

I'm not even going to bother explaining why that was bad.

June 11, 2006

Reasons Why #25: Even scales think I'm fat

When I started this diet the first time, I had to spend a great deal of time searching for a new scale. I needed one that went over 280 or 300 lbs, and they were few and far between. My first goal weight was 300, not because it was a nice round number, but because that's when the dial stops wrapping around.

When even inanimate objects know you're too fat, you're too fat.

June 12, 2006

Reasons Why #26: Carry On Luggage

When I travel, I'm always one of those people who has to stand around for half an hour after their plane lands waiting for luggage to arrive, instead of one of those people who just hop off the plane and into their waiting limousine and get whisked off to their final destination.

I'd like to do the carry on only thing, but when your clothing is as large as mine, it takes up a lot more space in a suitcase, and there's just not room for more than a weekend's worth of clothing in a carry on bag.

June 19, 2006

Reasons Why #27: Backsliding Hurts

I'd like to be able to gain a few pounds and not have it make me feel like a total loser. If I was thinner, and closer to a good weight, putting on a pound or seven because I had a totally fantastic week of eating with one of the world's great eaters wouldn't feel so bad.

June 20, 2006

Reasons Why #28: Toenail Clipping

The nails on my toes need to be clipped. But clipping my toenails is a rather laborious process that involves much heavy breathing and physical exertion because my stomache gets in the way of any attempt to simply lean forward and reach my toes.

June 21, 2006

Reasons Why #29: With the band

I spend a lot of time at indie rock concerts and such. Sometimes I'm guest listed in. Sometimes, I even party with the bands afterwards. But no one ever believes the fat chick is with the band.

I want to be thin, so that when I say I'm with the band, people will believe me.

Or at least think the band is likely to think I'm hot, so they let me in anyway.

June 22, 2006

Reasons Why #30: Bar Stools

There's an image I have in my head of a quintessentially cool woman. She's elegantly dressed, with sleak hair, subtle make-up and discrete jewellery. She walks into a bar and slides nonchalently onto a stool and orders her Scotch neat.

Getting onto a bar stool is, for me, a rather energetic process with much dragging and holding and shifting required. Once there, I perch, not elegantly or even calmly, but precariously with the constant threat that I will simply slide off the thing always in mind. This, sadly, is not the epitome of cool.

About June 2006

This page contains all entries posted to acho que não in June 2006. They are listed from oldest to newest.

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